From bad to horrible and hopefully back

D almost died
the ammonia level in his blood was poisoning his brain
the reason it got so high is his liver could no longer process all the drugs the dr's were giving him
no one paid attention for three fucking days as he was getting more and more confused
no one listened
he laid in TERROR for 16 hours, hallucinating and hyperventilating
the nurses would say "oh it's just the pain medication" and we'd say "he's not using the pain medication, he's terrified and confused and is afraid to take anything" and they'd ignore us
finally I found out a dr had put him on Haldol when he pulled his picc line out, they determined he was combative, bullshit, he was hyped up on the fucking allbuterol they gave him
anyway, I was begging someone, anyone to please review his meds, please figure out what was happening and they were ignoring me, his daughter and his sister
the haldol prescriber even told my sis in law, when she tried to tell him things were getting worse and worse, that he thought maybe D was detoxing from alcohol! Mother fucking son of a bitch can't even read a goddamn medical chart, it's all over his chart that he quit drinking 8 years ago.
So, I started calling D's regular Dr's and begging them to help, I told them I thought the hospital was going to kill him and they all freaked when I told them they gave D Haldol. They said to call the hospital and ask for the surgeon to have a consult with D's GI Dr's partner (his primary care and GI dr's were both out of town, of course). So, I did and that's when I found out about the elevated ammonia levels. Googled and freaked the fuck out. Got to the hospital and started raising holy hell. I found an angel of mercy who actually finally listened to me (she initially pulled me aside because she was concerned that since I fired the Dr she wouldn't have anyone to prescribe things like blood pressure meds for D but when I started telling her all the shit that was happening she took notes and took action). She got the surgeon and the GI Dr on the phone together and when the surgeon came into the room and saw D's condition he took immediate action (his stupid fucking nurse that day told me "your husband's been resting easy all day" his sister and my stepdaughter were both with him, he was hallucinating, breathing rapidly and, by the time the surgeon came in, nearly in a fucking coma)
So, they took the tube out of his nose, gave him lasik to start getting the toxins out of his system and, with my permission, some librium to calm him. He slept that night for the first time in 3 days, his snoring was music to my ears. He awoke with no memory of the previous days and said "where am I, how long have I been here and do I still have a job"
He's slowly getting better, he's mentally clear and getting irritated with me because I keep asking him "do you know where you are?"
When the neurologist came the next day for the consult, he pointed to his wrist and asked D "what is this" and D thought "what an idiot, he's a Dr and doesn't know what a watch is?" which cracked me up.
I found out this morning, he has developed ascites, which is a progression of his liver disease that I was hoping would never happen. I don't know if it will reverse itself or if these motherfuckers have just put him on the transplant list. If it doesn't reverse itself then nothing but a transplant will save him. I can't worry about that today, though. Even if they brought him a new liver on a silver plater he'd never survive another surgery right now.

What day is this?

life is one big stress filled mess
D is still in the hospital, day 8
temp 100, mental status confused, nothing by mouth whatsoever-not even ice
bowels moving but somehow still obstructed
testicles swollen like grapefruit
nurses probably really pissed at me for reporting their behavior and attitudes to the head of the nursing dept
last night he pulled out his picc line
he can't be left alone as I was informed when I got here this morning
I'm not allowed to sleep anymore apparently
all that shit people say about how you have to take care of yourself while caring for a loved one? they don't seem to follow that rule here
I'm still having to work everyday, my boss is a patient man but really, he needs me to be there
when I'm gone for more than a couple hours, D calls looking for me, if he can figure out how to dial the phone or have someone do it for him
they are giving him breathing treatments that are causing agitation and a soaring heart rate, nutrition that's spiking his blood sugar, pain killers that are making him lose his mind and every time he has a chance to sleep, someone wakes him up for something
but, if you actually need a nurse because say your husband's nose tube thing suddenly comes undone and dumps stomach bile all over his bandages? well, it's gonna be a long wait

it's whats for dinner

tonight I had a Godiva Chocolate milkshake for dinner, courtesy of N & Sh
they love me

D is doing ....cautiously better? this is hard, harder than I expected
he still has a tube in his nose, taped much better now so hopefully he won't pull it out again, no food and he has been told he's eating to much ice
pretty fucked up, really, isn't it? when the only thing you've had in a damn week is ice and you're told to quit eating so much
his bowels are just having a hell of a hard time bouncing back from the two surgeries
I'm ready for this to be over, now, please

the nightmare continues

he coughing yesterday apparently ripped the layer under the skin
all that fluid I cleaned up yesterday was apparently NOT normal drainage as the nurses said
I'm so angry at the nurse from last night I could physically choke her, they were SO hateful to David about his pain level, like he was fucking making it up and the whole time my poor husband is lying there with his gut split open inside

so far this morning I've been, woken by a nurse calling because I need to rush up here and sign consent forms (I got home at 12:30 am)
realized I had no clean underwear, so I started some laundry
Faith is afraid of the washer so she decided to poop in the laundry on the floor rather than go to her litter box in the garage
I stepped in it
I took 4 wrong turns trying to get here
I have the WORST menstrual cramps of my lifetime
and I'm just now drinking my first cup of coffee

I also needed to get to the bank, pay bills, do laundry and I don't know, maybe eat at some point today. But, no one else is here and I don't want to miss talking to the surgeon afterwards.
Some friends came by but they've left already so I'm here alone, as usual.

why I am not a nurse

well, this morning has sucked balls
I called on my way in to work and he said he'd choked on some ice and couldn't catch his breath and coughed so hard his catheter came out
so, I went in long enough to hand out checks and called my boss to say I was taking the day off (he's off having a cow slaughtered)
got to the hospital to discover D lying in a pool of bloody fluid
he had not coughed his cath out but had coughed his stitches open
I had to clean him and get a gown on him because the xray tech was waiting to take him down for a bowel xray
when he came back he was leaking all over the place and had to go potty (thanks to the suppository at 5 am) not much of anything happened except he got bloody fluid all over the bathroom and I had to cut his bloody robe off him with a pair of fucking nail clippers because I couldn't get the knot untied and the nurses didn't come and he was cold and wanted it off (all this while he was sitting on the pot)
got him in bed and he leaked all over the sheets before the nurse FINALLY came in
Dr. came in at some point, he can not stop the pain meds at the moment, D wouldn't be able to heal with the level of pain he'd be in, in fact D has been asking for stronger meds this morning. I am NOT in favor of that idea and have said as much. My husband metabolizes pain meds "like a horse" to quote one of his previous surgeons.
So, now we are waiting for xray results to see what's going on with the bowels, changing leaky bandages constantly (hello, surgeon, couldn't ya have put in a fucking drain?) and I am playing nurse
My horoscope says "Still, you could get fed up with your partner and rashly decide to split. Keep in mind that escaping from the issues won't help to resolve them." which is totally cracking me up at the moment

Cake!

this is so funny

that's some good stuff, man

D's pain medication is making him hallucinate
yesterday he offered to hook his grandson's up with some a/c for their God Boxes (boxes they made out of cardboard to put prayers in)
today he won a new front end for his Harley from the hospital
I'm stuck at work and worried, what if he needs help and can't figure out how to call the nurse?
I hate this shit

hypothetical question

IF you were at the hospital and there was this lovely little stray boy cat that you befriended and IF said stray cat ended up in your car somehow and IF you took that car, with the cat in it home...how would you tell your husband whose still in the hospital and does NOT want another cat?

guess he really wasn't faking it

After a 3.5 hour surgery and 2 hours in the recovery room, D's finally in a room.
And, he's sleeping
the Dr. said he was a total mess inside
he had some fluid collected under his last incisions and it had gotten infected
they had to remove part of the lining that covers his internal organs because it was so infected and raw
they had to clean off about 20 feet of intestines that were covered with adhesions and wrapped all around his small intestine and making a big mess of things

of course, there's no guarantee it won't happen again but hopefully not and at least he'll have some relief for now
maybe we'll get to ride again someday soon

this is getting a little to familiar

back in the waiting room at North Hills Hospital again
the OR nurse just called to say they did have to cut him open this time
which I'm kind of happy about, no point in pussy footing around like last time, get that shit out of there, I say
of course, I'm worried sick
at least the really loud church group left
the guy they left behind is reading a "Financial Prosperity" book, that plus their loud, rude behavior in the waiting room, lets me know all I needed to about the type of church they go to
It's finally quiet. Of course, the girls are on their way, not sure if Ta is bringing my grandsons. If she does, then we'll be the ones getting all the rude stares for being loud.

I had lunch with an Olympian today

My sil was college dormates with a girl from South Africa who won a bronze medal at the Atlanta Olympics in swimming. She was at the baby shower today, lovely, lovely lady. I really liked her.

better than I expected

the whole religion thing turned out better than I expected
I need to figure out why I'm so damn sensitive on that subject

*sigh*

hysterically, at last night's meeting, one guy said that AA was set to take over the world, that the 12 steps would replace Christianity and religion
it was so funny, what a lunatic, he even said "this is not my opinion, this is fact"

I'm off to get my AA = World Domination 2012 t-shirt now

God

A gal at my AA group asked me to sponsor her. She's got 4 years sober and is deeply religious. She, in turn, is sponsoring my friend Ri, who is an atheist. It's turning into a big mess. I don't normally discuss my belief about God with other AA'ers, it's just none of their business. All I have is faith in some sort of undefined higher power and that faith has been working for me for 10 years now. She is shocked and dismayed. I'm sure she'll fire me as her sponsor now.
Narrow mindedness is the key, apparently

This could ONLY happen to me

So, I told my story at an AA group tonight
it happened to be the group where I went to my first meeting
well, part of the story is that I met a guy at my first meeting and since he had an email and I was addicted to the internet, I emailed him about finding group's to go to
I didn't know he was a "13th stepper" who preyed upon newcomers and that he was telling everyone I was his girlfriend. I thought he was just being nice. Until he took me to lunch, AFTER he met my husband and everything and leaned over the table and said "so, I bet you're really good in bed". GAG!

He briefly hooked up with a friend of mine and then last I heard he moved to California.

Anyway, I mentioned the guy in my story, he's how I found the group I go to so I usually briefly mention it, mostly as a warning to other new girls to watch out for those types of creeps.
After the meeting this guy says to me "thanks for sharing your story" and I realize, Oh fuck, it's that guy!
I asked D and he confirmed that it was indeed that guy. Turns out he hasn't changed a bit, in fact they call him "the predator" and he's even been on that show, Cheaters.
I wondered if he realized it was him I was talking about, of even he even recognized me. My friend said he's probably bragging that I remembered him!

What a fucking creep

another eeire horoscope

Anxiety arises today when you lose your train of thought in the middle of a conversation. Don't waste too much time practicing what you want to say, for too much preparation can work against you now. Instead of delivering a memorized speech about a particular topic, just let your passion lead your words. You'll be more convincing if you do.
By Rick Levine
Saturday, August 9, 2008

I'm telling my story at an AA group tonight. How freaky is that?

Caller ID Rant

D's phone rang at 11:15 last night. Since he's on call 24/7 he sleeps with the phone right by the bed, but by the time he went to answer it, the caller had hung up. Of course this woke me up, too. He didn't recognize the number so we went back to bed. 20 minutes later it happened again, phone rang twice and they hung up. I checked D's phone and he had called that same number at 4:42 yesterday afternoon. He remembered that he was trying to call the pharmacy and got a wrong number/no answer, so he hung up.
I called the number and a lady answered and I said "someone has called my phone from this number twice in the last 20 minutes" and she said "who is this?" so I told her my name and she said "oh, well, someone called this number and I was returning the call". I said "IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?" and she said "I just got off work" and I said "well, it was a WRONG NUMBER in the first place"
Why the fuck do people feel the need to call back every fucking number that calls their phone? If you don't recognize the number and no message is left, it's NOT IMPORTANT.
This happens at work all the time, someone calls and says "someone just called my phone" well, I have 32 employees here and I am not asking each of them if someone just called. It's insane. If you happen to call a wrong number you can't just hang up anymore, you have to leave a fucking message that you accidentally mis-dialed, and then 99% of the damn time the people don't even listen to your fucking message.
It drives me insane, can you tell??

It's either that or D is secretly having an affair with someone on the night shift.

cheap sunglasses

zenni optical
last month my sunglasses broke and the glasses place wouldn't warranty them, they didn't break in the "right" place. The frames were cheap but the lenses were $150. So, I gave zenni optical a try on a friend's recommendation. They have glasses starting at $8.00. It was about $5.00 to more to tint the lenses and with shipping, the glasses I picked out, lenses and all were around $30.
So, now my regular glasses have bent, I just ordered two pairs of the $8 glasses and even with anti-reflextive glare the total for both pairs, including shipping is $30.95.
If you have a basic rx (and can get the information from your eye dr., that part wasn't easy, my place did NOT want to give me the information but they are MY eyes!) I really recommend zenni. They are so cheap you can buy a wild pair just for fun, too.

yet another surgery

August 18th
the fucking surgeon again told D he has to "at least try" to go in laprascopically
I think that's such bullshit, if he'd just done the full surgery to begin with, D would be healed by now
all the treatment for the Hep C has to be pushed back now, and D's on pain meds which hurt his liver
it's so fucking shitty I could throw up
not to mention I still haven't paid the hospital for the last surgery and now it'll be another co-pay

Alaska Pics

Alaska

so far I've only uploaded Juneau, Sitka & Glacier Bay, I'll do Ketchikan and Seattle tonight

vacations....they're good for my career

my boss has told me about six times today how much I was missed around here

my review is in three weeks, hope he doesn't forget by then how much he missed me

There is no forgiveness of sin

At least not in Canada
The worst part was the immigration officer saying she just randomly happened to stop us. Out of over 2,000 people, we were the ONLY one’s who were stop and we’re supposed to believe that was a random coincidence?
It was over 24 years ago, time served but no forgiveness, apparently.
Embarrassed and humiliated and depressed, great way to end the trip.
FUCK CANADA

North to Alaska

Dear Friends & Family in Texas and elsewhere:
We are moving to Alaska!
Ok, not really but I wish we were. I absolutely love it here. The longer we’re here, the more I love it. I have met my spirit animal, the sea otter. I have never felt more drawn to a type of animal in my life than the group of sea otters we saw. They were lying on their backs, playing and hanging out and it just called to me like nothing I’ve ever felt.
Poor D will be buying me sea otter stuff for the rest of the trip, I’m afraid.
We spent the day in Juneau with my Aunt & Uncle, they fed us crab for lunch and moose for dinner. Yesterday was Sitka and today was Ketchikan. Every city calls to me more than the next one and today, I decided Ketchikan was the place I’d move if I ever did move to Alaska. I just have to figure out how to get all those grandkids up here, and my friends, and my job. I’m working on it.
This trip has been so good for us, D’s getting plenty of rest and we’re completely distracted from the worries of day to day life. It will all come to an end on Sunday but until then we intend to enjoy the hell out if it.