A Moment of Silence, Please

In mourning for Chuco's balls which were, thankfully, removed by our vet this morning. The minute he got home, he tried to hump Sugar. She's getting fixed next week as I have finally convinced D that we are not cut out to be breeders. (His annoying ex-girlfriend breeds chihuaha's you'd think he'd realize how much work is involved).
Because of having to pick up Chuco at the vet and D having to work late, we ended up not going to the gym. Of course in my mind this means we will never go again and I will gain 50 lbs. I'm such an all or nothing person sometimes it scares me.
D is in the bedroom watching Dallas Swat. I hate that show, it seems like every week they are destroying some poor person's house by ripping the doors and windows off and finding like a 1/2 lb of pot or something. It just doesn't seem justified to do that much damage for a little weed.
That's all I got, not much of a post but I haven't posted much this week so I thought I'd better post something.

Basketball and Pie

Well, D finally beat me at basketball. We've been shooting hoops and the first one to make 10 wins. Of course, I always stand closer to the basket 'cause I'm a girl and I'm shorter and whimpier. So, last night D decided that the 10 basket has to be shot from the white line, which I can't do. So he won, but I think that's cheating. I'll just keep practising until I can do it and beat his ass again.
We also went to the grocery store and somehow D convinced me to make pie for him to take to work. So, at 9 pm we're in the kitchen making buttermilk pies. I KNEW he'd fall asleep before the pies were finished and I'd end up staying up to late. Yep, that's exactly what happened and yet he's the one who gets to eat pie for breakfast. What's up with that?

Loaves, Fishes, Cake & Pie

D had to chair birthday night at our group last night so we had to bring the cake. I had already made a buttermilk pie to take up there and decided I'd make an apple cake, too.
I needed 4 cups of cut up apple and had only 3 small apples. Somehow it equalled exactly 4 cups.
Took the cake and the pie and everyone who wanted some got some of the pie. I have no idea how because when I make the pie at home it's only enough for 2 people, me and D!

Ethics

Let's say you had the opportunity to get either a free dvd player or $30 off an order for office supplies at work. You did the research and found the coupons online. Would it be morally right to get yourself the free dvd player or would you feel obligated to save your employer the $30 instead?

Edited to say: Boss man will never know about the discount, he never looks at the bills.

A Swiftly Tilting Planet

Ah....allergies
I've suffered for years, some years worse than others. The last few years I've taken Singulair and it seems to help a great deal most of the time. Not right now, though. When I lie down at night I seem to lose all ability to breathe through my nose. So, I took two Benadryl last night at bedtime (usually take only 1) and lost my equilibrium. I chalked it up to too much medicine and went to sleep. The times I had to get up during the night (always several times a night thanks to the animals and a bad bladder) the world would spin like I was drunk.
Woke up this morning and the world is still cattywampus. If I turn my head, things tilt that aren't supposed to. I think I must have some fluid in my ear or something. I hope it clears up soon because this sucks!

Well, that figures

One of the guys I work with just walked in trying to give away four tickets to tomorrow's game. Not as good as the seats I got us, but still damn good seats and FREE
Darn it! : (
Raul took them, it's his son's birthday and he's going to surprise him by taking him to the game and earn major dad points. So I guess it's ok that I didn't get them.

Take me out to the ballgame

I'm so excited I could just squeal with delight.
I just scored premium infield tickets to the Ranger's game Saturday night for 1/2 price on ebay. These seats are right behind homeplate.
I'm not sure what the hell is going on with me. I now love working out, playing basketball and going to baseball games???? Who is this person?
I'm sure having fun, though.

D is a Rock Star

I might be better than him at basketball but nobody beats D at work. His boss got an email from a citizen of the city where he works, saying what a great job D is doing.
He rocks.

This is so strange

I absolutely LOVE going to the gym!
I'm hooked. I get pumped up by working out and then playing some basketball and beating D at it. I'm working out harder on the treadmill than I ever did before and instead of being bored and tired of it, I want to do it more and more. I'm lifting weights, too, although all I can do with my stupid shoulders the way they are is 3 lbs. I also do the nautilus machines. I truly hope this is the beginning of a lifelong commitment to exercise. With my family history, I just have to!

Yummy!

La Lechera Condensed Milk 14 oz.
A couple weeks ago we had a luncheon here at work and one of the girl's in the shop made a delicious Jello. I asked for the recipe and instead of giving it to me, she just showed me how to make it.
I'm typing it here for your pleasure and so I will have a record of it.

2 boxes Tropical Pineapple Jello made per box instructions (2 cups hot water, 2 cups cold) then refrigerated for about 30 minutes, not long enough to set, just to cool off
add 1 can of drained pineapple chunks and
1 can of La Lechera Condensed Milk
mix and refrigerate until set

This is some damn good stuff!

Tail like a whip

Meet Chuco the dog who won't stay still long enough for me to get a good picture.

Bitch Session

Well...as usual, things are better. I swear hormones are going to be the death of me.
Went to a meeting at my regular group last night and everything was fine. Well, mostly. There's this one guy who smokes in the group, except when I'm there (so I've been told). Thursday night when we walked in he was about to light up and saw me and "whispered" to his girlfriend "shit, there's Spit". It really upset me. I later found out several members are doing the same thing. Members with long term sobriety. It's against the law to smoke in our building but I guess they think they are above the law. To me if they think it's ok for them to smoke when I'm not there, they should smoke when I am there, too! I'm not the fucking AA police, I'm just a member, period. They have to follow the dictates of their conscience, even if I think it's wrong. I don't like people resenting my presence because they "can't" smoke when I'm around.
I'm also program chair for October and I can't find enough people willing to chair meetings. Thursday after the meeting I asked a friend to chair and she gave me shit and said she wasn't willing and I tore into her. So, that is why I was in such a shit mood, everything just kept escallating. Oh yeah, that and I'm the treasurer of my group now and the last treasurer, who happens to be my friend, got burnt out and has double paid some bills and not paid others at all. So, I have a huge mess on my hands. Fortunatly we actually have some money for a changes so I can get it all straight but damn, if you beg me to run for treasurer the least you can do is get the shit straight before dumping it my lap!
Today is better. D and his bil finally got my new door installed! Goodbye mice! Cricket actually just killed one, I guess it got stuck in the house. I HATE mice and they've been getting in through the rotten door frame but no more. It took D all day to get it done and he still has to paint the trim around it. It's a really nice door, french doors with shades built into the glass so the cats can't get at them.
Oh, speaking of animals...we sorta got a new dog. The plant manager where I work decided he didn't want the dog to live there anymore and wanted me to call animal control but I just couldn't. So, I had the Bosnian guy whose been taking care of him send pictures to D's phone and D's heart melted and I brought Chuco home. Chuco is my spelling of the way Mevludin pronounced the Bosnian word for "dog". I think we're going to call him Chewy. He's a young dog, very submisive to Tex and Sugar which is perfect for them! He and Tex are already pals. Tex needed a new friend, he really missed Banjo.
That's all for now, I've been screwing around with my wireless network all day and making coffee mocha lip balms but it's time to get dressed so D can take me to dinner.

Bad Mood

I'm eating spoon fudge and drinking a non-diet coke...for breakfast.
I am not in a good place at all emotionally. I'm about ready to give up on my AA group and it's not a happy day.

OOOOPPPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSS

I apologize to everyone who read my original recipe for the pie. I wrote "pour into pie crust and bake" and I meant "pour into pie PAN and bake"...it doesn't need a crust. You can put it in a crust if you want to, I've had it that way, too and it is good but it's not necessary.
Sorry!

CaringBridge - Be There ~ Helping friends and family stay in touch and informed

CaringBridge - Be There ~ Helping friends and family stay in touch and informed
Here is the Caring Bridge site for the girl I posted about earlier today. In addition to her dad dying yesterday, her aunt died 1/2 hour ago. Her mother must be a total basket case at this point.
Please send positive thoughts and prayers to Christie and her mom. It's just too damn much.

And now for something really heavy.....

Buttermilk Pie
Grease pie pan, preheat oven to 350

Mix together:
1 cup buttermilk
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup Bisquick
1 tsp vanilla
3 eggs
1 stick of melted butter

Pour into pie pan and bake until center is set (about 30 minutes)
Good hot, even better cold for breakfast the next morning.

More than you can handle

I hate the expression "God never gives you more than you can handle". Recently a friend was talking about another friend who served two terms in Iraq and came home only to have his wife be diagnosed with cancer and die 5 days later! Another friend said "well, that's horrible, and he's an alcoholic, too, with young kids, it almost seems like too much, but we all know God never gives you more than you can handle". WTF??????
Another friend, a young girl I know from the soapmaking forums, has a disease that requires her to get iv infusions of horrible medicine that make her very ill every other month. Her mother just had hip replacement surgery, too and she has been so ill but trying her best to do the housework and help her mom. Their home was robbed while they were asleep one night a couple months ago and her mother's purse stolen with all the credit cards, id's, etc. The bank gave them hell and they ended up having to pay for some things out of pocket. In addition, her abusive alcoholic father was horrible to them both. She stoically faced it all with little complaining. We got together and bought her a dvd player to make her day long hospital stays a little easier on her.
Yesterday, she and her mother were at the hospital for another greuling day. The nurses were rude and she was sick from the infusion. Her dad never came to pick them up. After two hours of calling and waiting, they took a taxi home, when they saw both cars in the driveway they went to the neighbors and called 911. The firemen broke in and found him. She had to see him dead, all purple in the face and watch them carry her father out in a body bag.
Yes, sometimes life gives you way more than you can handle. I don't know if that's "God" or not. Why the fuck would a "loving father" do that to one of his "precious children"?
Our only defense in times like these seems to be "psychological calcification", something I read about on the blog,!Uncommon Misconception
Some of us do it with drugs or alcohol, some have to go through the painful process with nothing but sheer will power, some simply lose their minds and others, unable to handle life's events, take their own lives.
Tragedy's happen to everyone but some lives seem to have way more than their fair share of heartache and pain and yes, some people are given a lot more than they or anyone can handle!

USAA Comes Through

A week or so ago I found out USAA was charing me for the wreck that A got in, putting an at fault accident on MY driving record. I called and got the run around and got pretty p.o.'d. Basically I was told they have to get their money back somehow.
Well...a rep. just called to apologize, telling me it was a mistake and that they are lowering my premium by $50 a month! Woot!

5 to 1

D and I joined out local rec center on Saturday after having buttermilk pie for breakfast that morning. We worked out on Saturday and again tonight. I'm rediscovering how much I love that rush you get after you've worked out.
After we did the bicycles, the treadmill and the weight room, D grabbed a basketball and we shot some hoops.
I kicked his ass! And I remembered my love for basketball. The only A I ever got in PE was when we played basketball. I still have the gushing report card from my gym teacher complimenting my change in attitude and my participation. Too bad we switched to baseball and my bad attitude came back. Sucks to try to play a sport that requires depth perception when you're blind in one eye. My bad attitude came from years of being laughed at for striking out or dropping the ball, from always being last to be picked for the team, even after the fat girl in class. Basketball was different, I could play and have fun and not suck so much that I stuck out. I later found soccer to be the same way.
So, yeah, I kicked D's ass and it was fun!

Collective Nightmare

I was irritated last week when I received a "remembering 9/11" post card from my realtor and bothered by all the references on tv and the radio. It felt like forced sentimentality, which is something I abhor (like those chain emails about the kid with no shoes or anything with angels). Fake stories producing fake emotions. That's what all the 9/11 hype felt like to me.
Until this morning, driving to work when it all hit me. In a flash I was remembering. Driving to work and getting a call from D, whom I'd just begun dating. He said "a plane hit a building in New York" and I thought "big deal" thinking it was some small aircraft and D was just using that as an excuse to call and see if I was talking to A on the other line. I walked into the job where I was a temp and mentioned it to my boss. He said he'd heard something, too but had no details. I tried to look it up online but none of the sites would come up (I assume because so many others were doing the exact same thing I was). It was a small place that had just opened, only about 5 employees and it was right next to DFW airport. Being so close to the airport, we were used to planes flying overhead constantly. The silence when they stopped flights was eerie and frightening. Of course, there were still planes that had to land and every time one did, we all jumped a little inside wondering if something close by, something in our "world" could be the next target.
The boss had just purchased a television the day before. He took it out of the box and plugged it in the conference room. From the moment the television came on, just in time for us to see that a second plane had hit, life changed forever.
Everyone has fears, we've all seen bad made for tv movies where a disaster of "epic proportions" hits and the world changes forever. I don't think any of us ever believed something like that could really happen. Not to us, not in America. Our world was safe. We're the land of the free, the home of the brave.
We are taught in public schools that everyone loves America (at least, that is what I was taught in the 70's). That every country wants to be like America and everyone wishes they had our freedoms, our democracy. 9/11 was an opener for us all.
Many of my friends have used hatred and fear to deal with what happened. I get emails almost every day warning me what a threat Muslims are to our country. The hatemongering and ignorance is amazing to me. Instead of seeking harmony and understanding, they are seeking vengeance and someone to blame.
I work with Muslim men from Bosnia, men who were driven from their countries for their religious beliefs and ethnic backgrounds. Men who were tortured for their faith. Men who work hard, pay taxes and love the opportunities America has given to them and their families. Every time I get an email telling me that all Muslims are evil and want to kill us, I think of Jusuf, Esed, Hasan, Mevludin, Husein, Mirsad and Nesudin. I think of how respectful and friendly they are to me. I think of how they are subject to anger and hatred just because of their very misunderstood faith and the connection that faith has to 9/11. I tell my friends that all religions have extremist but they remember images on tv of Muslims around the world celebrating the attacks on America and they want someone to blame. They want an evil to hate. They don't seem to want peace, understanding and harmony with their fellow man. There is no effort being made byt them to educate, to communicate, to bring about cooperation and put an end to hate. I don't get chain emails explaining the Islamic faith, urging me to go to a Mosque, to learn about the situation in the middle east, to talk to a Muslim. I get emails telling me that ALL Muslims hate Americans, that their faith makes it their duty to kill us, that we are their enemies, that they are going to kill us in our beds and we should strike first.
There is a "kill 'em all and let god sort them out" mentality. We are doing in the middle east what was done to us. We call what they did "terrorism" and what we are doing "fighting for democracy" but the results are the same. Lives are lost, homes and businesses are destroyed and people live in constant fear. And it breaks my heart that anyone, anywhere should have to live in the nightmare world we experienced after 9/11.

Blah

I'm so tired and drained. After work I came home and took my Friday afternoon bath and started to think about getting dressed to go to the meeting and out to eat...and I just couldn't. I crawled into bed and watched an episode of 90210 on the Soap channel. D decided to stay home with me and is at the grocery store right now. He's going to make us fried pork chops, mac n cheese, mashed potato's and gravy and a buttermilk pie.
No wonder I'm fat.

AlaNOT

My AA group's Alanon started back up again last night after about 6 months with no meetings. I'd given my word that I'd be there so I went, even through I really wanted to stay home and finish watching Mureil's Wedding.
I don't know why, but I just don't "fit". When I joined AA, I knew immediately that this was where I belong. The Alanon ladies are nice enough but I feel like a tagalong. Last night it was mostly about dealing with your children, maybe that's why I felt so left out. Once again, the lack of children leaves me on the outside, looking in. Of course, after listening to some of the horror stories, maybe I'm glad I don't have kids!
I'm not sure if I'll go again, I'd like to give it and them a fair chance but I really hate that uncomfortable, I don't really fit in here, feeling. It reminded me of being in jr. high.
After the meeting D and I got into an argument because he was late to pick me up and all the ladies were waiting because they didn't want to leave me up there by myself. Instead of just saying he was sorry or that he didn't realize what time the meeting got over he got all defensive and assholish. Of course, then I got bitchy and it just went downhill from there. I know my anger at him stemmed directly from that being back in jr. high feeling, not wanting to be different, to stick out, to have anyone not like me. It's like I lost all my self esteem while I was sitting in that room.
I need to learn to be comfortable with who I am, no matter where I am. I'd love to just avoid all situations in which I am not comfortable but that's not really how life works. So, in a way, Alanon could be good for me. But, damn, it's so much emotional work. I'm comfortable in my routine. I guess I had deluded myself into thinking that I no longer was that 13 year old girl trying so desperately to find her place in the world. Until last night I really believed that.

Good things

After getting a letter saying I was getting free HBO by mistake and waiting on hold for an eternity, I finally got through to Charter Cable and got a hell of a deal on a cable, internet and phone package. I'll be saving about $60 a month plus we get faster internet and more cable channels (woot, we get Showtime now! N can come over and watch "The L Word").
Of course, since this is cable and they always screw something up, about 10 minutes after I got off the phone with them we lost both internet and cable service. Eventually it came back on and D and I had fun channel surfing. We ended up watching "The Village" which was surprisingly good.
Something else good happened that I was going to write about but I'll be dammed if I can remember it now.
Oh yeah....a nectarine with an english muffin and peanut butter, that's what it was.

Still Sad

I miss Ricky & Huevos so much that it's a physical ache inside. I look at their pictures and cry and wish I had just one more chance to pet their fur and tell them how very much I love them, to give them one more can of canned kitty food and tell them I'm sorry for every time I went out of town, every time we moved and they had to get used to a new environment, every minute I wasn't right there, loving them.

More patriotic than I thought

D got tickets to today's Ranger game from a friend, so we spent the afternoon at the ballpark. Great seats behind home plate, great weather and The Rangers won! What a great way to spend the day. They started the game with the National Anthem and I was surprised when a tear came to my eye. I guess, in spite of all her faults, I'm still proud to be an American.
To finish off the day American Style we're laying in bed watching "Flavor of Love" on VH1 and waiting for the pizza to arrive.

I wanna do it all

Yet another lovely day of feeling depressed for no reason. I just want to cry or scream or I don't know what.
We have a long weekend ahead of us and I want to get too many things accomplished. I'll probably get none of it done. I need to clean house, we skipped it last week and the house is so dirty I can't stand it. Especially since Tex has been an inside dog and it rained. He got mud everywhere. The kitchen floor has a big area that is just full of dirt, lovely, huh?
D is supposed to put in new doors tomorrow, was supposed to do it last weekend and it didn't happen.
I need, also, to make some bath stuff. I've got people waiting for things I haven't made yet. I also want to go shopping for stuff for the house.
I want to move and there's so much work to the house that needs to be done that it paralyses me. I'm afraid it will never get done and the house will fall down around our heads. Pretty extreme thoughts considering all that really needs to be done is a bit of painting, stain the deck, replace some trim, oh and new carpet. It just SEEMS like an overwhelming task. I guess because D and I are master procrastinators. Hell, this same shit needed to be done a year ago.