Dreams do come true

Yesterday as I was leaving for work, I was looking at the two chairs the neighbors left out for bulk trash pick up and thinking "they should make a show where the designers go around and pick up people's throw away furniture and decorate a house with it."
So, imagine my surprise when I was watching tv last night and Junk Brothers comes on. Now, mind you, the show isn't quite the same as my idea but still, it's pretty close. Think I can get royalties?
Then, this morning as I was getting my last 20 minutes of sleep after being woken up by the cats playing in the hallway a half dozen times, I dreamed that I had Ricky & Huevos stuffed and animated after they died. They didn't have souls, their bodies just moved around. Very weird. I also dreamed I was searching everywhere for some Sudafed.
When I woke up, I didn't have Ricky or Huevos but I did have a stuffed up nose.

Jaded

I got a raise. Not as big as last year, same amount as the year before. I now make $9,500 more than I did when I got hired 3 years ago.
So, why am I so depressed?
I can't figure out what's up with me today.
For one thing, my shoulder and arm have been hurting all day, for the first time in a few months. The pain is as bad as it was right after the wreck. Another thing is that D is going out tonight with his son to get shotgun shells and stuff so they can murder birds this weekend. His weekend is full of plans that don't include me and I'm just feeling unimportant, I guess.
As far as the raise, it just seems like no big deal. I ought to be grateful instead of disappointed. I'll work on that.

Too Trusting

D is always on me about how I'm too trusting of people. He's my opposite in that regard, he automatically thinks everyone is a thief.
I would tell you all about how I sold soap to a new gal on my soapmaking forum and I didn't wait for her payment to clear before shipping even though D told me that was a bad idea. And then her payment bounced and now my money is tied up for 10 days, but since D reads my blog now, I won't mention it.

Cruelty to Animals

D and I do a horribly cruel thing to our little dog, Sugar and we laugh our asses off every time.
Sugar HATES to be brushed. If she sees the dog brush she takes off running and hides under the bed. We've had to resort to getting her groomed because she will not sit still for us to brush her.
So...every once in awhile, just for fun, D or I will say "honey bring me the brush, I want to brush Sugar". As soon as she hears the word brush, she takes off and hides. After a few minutes she'll come back in and we'll say "brush" and off she goes again.
It's mean as hell but so fucking funny we can't stop ourselves.
(We give her plenty of love and attention and toys the rest of the time. She has a great life and is spoiled rotten.)

Four letter word

I just turned down donuts.
I have to lose weight. I always say I hate the word "diet" but honestly, I need to go on a diet. I need to say "diet" as opposed to "lifestyle change" or whatever because "diet" is temporary. No way am I giving up sweets and other goodies forever. Just for now. The scale has been creeping back up since my March when my stomach got better. I'm above my pre going in the hospital weight and I worked so hard to lose that weight to begin with.
Sometimes I just disgust myself. I have no willpower whatsoever. It's like my brain can't make the connection between a sugary, fat filled treat and this extra blob of fat on my belly. The sugary treat wins every time.
Well...no more. I'm going on a sugary treat free diet damn it.

Heart attack in a cup

Chick-fil-A

No wonder it tasted so damn good!

The Bull

I was just talking to D and somehow we got to talking about "40's". He said he'd never drank one and I told him I'd had plenty of 32 ouncers but never a 40. I told him I used to get them for 99 cents at the 7-11 and he said "what Milwaukee's Best?" and I said yep, that or Schlitz Malt Liquor. Which then reminded me of this time that me and some friends went down to the bad part of town for some after hours, under age, boot leg. We picked up this guy and he took us to the bootleggers house. When my friends found out the bootlegger only had Schlitz, they weren't to happy. The guy we'd picked up to take us there told them "what's wrong with Schlitz? Beggers can't be choicey, you know".
I still crack up over that shit.

I could see N doing something like this

Nabble - Bored at home....create your own zoo.....

Not much chance now

My boss is not pleased with me. I do projections for our financial each month and this month is not good. Now, mind you, my only roll is to tally the numbers, I don't actually spend the damn money but I'm the message giver and it's not good this month. My predsesor used to "pad" things so she didn't have to give him bad news. I'm not doing that, even if it does mean I won't get a raise.
Plus, the health insurance renews in Oct. and it went up 20% and I have no control over that, either, but again, I'm the message giver.
Sometimes my job sucks.

A quick chuckle

plig.org

Down in a hole

I'm feeling pretty blue today.
Maybe it's because I didn't go to the reunion and no one missed me. Hell, I don't think anyone even remembers me. Sometimes I wonder if I was ever really there at all?
Maybe it's because the phone didn't ring all damn weekend. Don't I have friends anymore? Maybe it's because we haven't been to a meeting since Friday and no one called to see if we're ok. Maybe it's because I'm doing payroll early this week and my boss hasn't said a thing about my yearly review (the 18th was 3 years).
Maybe it's just Tuesday.

Funny how things change

D and I had dinner with N and her girlfriend tonight. N bought our dinner. Afterwards we went to their apartment and played Pictionary...we almost beat them which is amazing since N is such a great artist. N was showing me around the apartment, showing off the pretty new things she'd bought, including all new stuff for their bathroom. I saw her beautiful new guest towels. I laughed and said "wait, let me wipe my mascara off real quick." N started laughing too and said "wow, I really was a little brat, wasn't I?" I just said "yes, but I loved you anyway."

See how your experience can benefit others

One of the guys at work is having a colonoscopy on Monday and he's a little nervous about it. He just came in and asked me some questions about the "twilite sleep" they put you in. I said "ever get real drunk and not remember what happened, it's like that."
For a minute there I was afraid he was going to say "no, never" 'cause you know not everyone has black outs. But...he knew just what I meant.

And don't it make you feel good

I love coffee. I love the way it tastes, the way it smells and the buzz the caffeine gives me. Here's a recipe for a coffee syrup you can use to make frapachinos or iced coffee with, it's delicious and simple.
Take 1 lb of freshly coarse ground coffee (you can used flavored coffee, too) and soak it in 9 cups of water for 12 hours. Strain and refrigerate, this is your coffee syrup now. Add about 2 ounces of the syrup to a blender full of ice and milk and you have great frapachinos. Add ice cream for a coffee shake. Add a little to ice and milk in a glass for iced coffee. Sweeten with sugar or Splenda or don't sweeten at all.
How easy is that? And it's soooo good. I'm telling you, you'll never need to pay for overpriced Starbuck's again.

Hawks

I was playing with my new scanner last night. These are reprints of a scratched negative which were shoved in a box for years. Sorry for the bad quality but you get the idea anyway.

Not for me

I've been trying to decide for two days whether or not to go to this weekend's Punk Rock Reunion in Dallas. It's for anyone who was around in '86 but after looking at all the folks who signed the friends list (this is a My Space deal) I realize I only knew a few of them and none very well. So, I'm not going. But...I can't wait to see the pictures.

High Anxiety

Last night I had that old "impending doom" feeling. I HATE THAT. I couldn't figure out why other than two things. The first one being we are flat broke. All the insurance money is gone. We got some fun things but we also paid mega vet bills, too. The second reason I might be anxious (still am today) is that my friend Ri came over yesterday and brought up D's A.E.G. (annoying ex girlfriend) who she is friend's with. Apparently they'd gotten in a fight and somehow my name got involved. A.E.G. is jealous of this imaginary life she thinks I have and was harassing Ri about what she did on the 4th of July, trying to find out if I had a big party to which she was not invited. I did not, but fuck, even if I did, who cares? We are not friends, why does she obsess over what I do with who? I'm hoping like hell I don't get the whacked out phone calls at work or in the middle of the night that I've gotten from her before.
I just want peace!

Don't let me be me

Friday was a bad day. A really bad day. I kept making stupid mistakes at work (oh yeah, that's great, since I'm due for my annual review next week, nothing like going out on a low note). Then D pissed me off. It was dumb but I got really, really mad. I HATED how I was feeling but I couldn't stop. It was horrible. It turned out ok after a meeting and dinner with friends but I still, overall, felt it was a crap day.
So, this morning when I got up to pee at 5 am, I couldn't help but think "gee I hope today is a better day". I left my door open when I went back to bed, thinking the cats were surely out of energy and would just come lay down with me. Not 30 seconds later, Cricket burst into the room, leapt into the air and landed on my face, my eye to be more precise. It hurt like hell and scared the shit out of me to boot. Cricket just jumped into the window sill, like that's where she meant to go all along. I got up and went to the bathroom to check myself out. There were two cuts under my eye and scratches on my forehead and left arm. Today they are bruised and my eyeball actually hurts, probably from the weight of the fat cat landing on it. At least it was the eye I'm already blind in.
Today turned out much, much, much better than yesterday, in spite of such an inauspicious beginning. D and I bought a laptop! and a new light for the kitchen! The laptop is great, fast as anything and pretty easy to use. I did have to spend about 2 hours on the phone with a tech support person who I think was in India when I couldn't get the wireless router to install. That wasn't so fun. But it's working now.
And the new kitchen light is the best. It's fluorescent, the light bulbs last 9 years! and it's not only brighter and prettier but it doesn't put out 1/2 the heat of our old fixture.
I did tell D that he'd better be nice to me. I couldn't totally tell people he beat me. Not only do I have all the marks from the cat attack but I've hurt myself about 20 times today. I've run into things, scratched myself with my own fingernail, you name it. I'm a hazard to myself.

The cat food made me cry

Last night D and I had to go to Albertson's and get some cat food. They have Alley Cat there and when I saw the big bag, I cried. Right there in the damn grocery store. Ricky & Huevos had to eat that kidney science diet stuff but they really loved Alley Cat, their whole lives.
Then, when we got home, we realized the cat food hadn't made it home with us. Miss Cricket was VERY perturbed, she kept going to her empty bowl and looking at me like WTF? Not wanting to get back out to the store, we fed them some of the Sheba cat food D got when Ricky was dying. I cried again.
I thought I was ok. In fact, yesterday, I thought about posting a "time heals all wounds" type post. I guess I was premature.
I miss my babies.

(*&^(*&%%((())_@@!$$#@

A's wife sent the money for the van payment on the 1st and since then I've been trying to pay Citifinancial Auto. When I first called, they would only take $192 of it, no one could explain why (some shit about the payment being 21 days late, but how does that make since, if it's late you'd think they'd want my money even more. They've never done this before), then a few days latter they took $50 more. Now it's the 10th and another payment is due and I still can't pay the rest of last month's payment. There is only a little over $900 left on the note and the recording says it's all due now (usual payment is $460.00).
I'm afraid they are pulling something. It makes NO SENSE that they won't take my fucking payment. It pisses me off. I just want to be done with this shit and move on with my life. I called Oscar, he's some sort of manager there and has helped me in the past. I hope he calls me back today. I hate this shit. All the times they called me at all hours, even on holidays to get money, here I am with money to give them and they won't take it? WTF??????

Tempting.........

D got an invitation in the mail yesterday...from The Flamingo Hotel in Las Vegas! Two night's free stay and a free spa treatment. The only hitch is that it's for Oct. 6-7 and both my sister and one of my soaping friends are coming into town that weekend.
Until I noticed the date conflict I was ready to pack my bags. Funny how quickly I can forget how much I hate to fly.

I guess I'm not the only one

"breastfeeding a cat" dream - Recherche Google

Ok, the pregnant women I can see, but that last link on the second page?? Ewwwwwwwwww

Darling Millie

Darling Millie
Remember the cat who got hit by the car and was rescued by a guy who couldn't afford her vet bill? Well, she got a new home and she's doing well.....

Maybe I should take donations for my vet bills? Tex ran up a $360 bill on Saturday, it seems he has both fungal and bacterial infections in both ears. Since Huevos got sick last November I've spent almost $4,000 on vet bills. No wonder I got a sympathy basket, huh?

Family Tradition

D jr. came by on Saturday with his "fiance". I couldn't help but noticing a million ways he is just like his dad. I'd noticed little things before, but seeing him with L., the way he reacted to her, the things he said, well...he's his fathers son, for sure.
Yesterday D's father came over to spend the night with us because his a/c is on the fritz. We had a good time together, eating pizza and watching The Godfather (my first time to watch it). I was struck by the similarities between the two men. D's father wasn't around a whole lot when he was growing up, but apparently it was enough that they use the same expressions, like the same types of food, etc.
If you took D out of the equation and just compared grandfather to grandson, you might not catch the ways in which they are the same, but seeing the three of them in one weekend really made it clear to me how many characteristics get passed down generation after generation.
I'm glad D's dad is a good man, since they are so alike!

Blown Away

Gift Basket

We just received a sympathy gift basket from the vet. I'm bawling.

Kitlers

Does your cat look like Hitler?

Too funny!

Life without chocolate, Day Two

Chocolate, my favorite thing to eat, has been causing me some major gastric distress lately and I've finally come to the conclusion that I must eliminate it from my diet.
This was a difficult decision, fraught with tension and argument but I feel it's the right one for me, for now.
I'm planning on going at least a week without any chocolate whatsoever and then slowly adding it back in to see if there is a break point or if it's going to cause problems no matter what and have to be permanently eradicated (at which point they might as well lock me up in a rubber room because chocolate is my sanity safer).
Last night, on Day One, I was faced with temptation in the form of a Haufbrau "Braunie" with tons of ice cream and chocolate sauce ordered by our "friend" S. I thought he was my friend until he ordered the Braunie with 4 forks. I was able to resist this temptation by imagining the horrific belching that would ensue if I were to consume even a bite of the delectable treat.
It's a good thing I'm out of spoon fudge or I'd really be in trouble.

Just like in the movies

D and I went to dinner after the meeting last night and some friends from the group were there. S, the husband came running over, so very glad to see us and we went and sat with them. Turns out that S was thinking of calling D because their neighbors had just found out their son, who is in the Navy, died that morning in a car accident. They've lived in the same house for 25 years and this boy grew up with their kids. S was feeling guilty because 3 years ago he had drank some beer with the boy when he was only 20 and even though he didn't know whether the wreck had alcohol involved or not, he felt guilty for what he'd done. Amazing how we always want to blame ourselves for everything that happens.
J, the wife, told us about coming home from work and having the old man across the street call her over. He is retired Navy and he told J about seeing two men in their dress whites pull up to the house earlier that day. No one was home at the time. He knew what they wanted right away. As J was talking to the old man, the neighbors two other kids (in their 20's) pulled up in the driveway and asked J what was going on. J said she wasn't sure but told them what happened. As she was talking to them, the car with the Navy men came back to the house. When one of them got out and put on his hat and had a bible with him, they all knew. J said from there it went just like they show in the movies with the "we regret to inform you" and everything. The mom was still not home from work yet and they didn't want to say anything until she got there but the children insisted and his sister was also listed as next of kin so they told them while they all waited for the mother to get home and find out her son was dead.
I can not even imagine the horror and pain that family is going through today. Death is so senseless to me. J said she believes that maybe God took him this way to prevent him from a more painful fate later on. I don't buy that one but we all have to tell ourselves whatever we can to help us sleep at night.

High Bottom Drunk

Even alcoholics can be snobs....
We had a speaker last night and I couldn't help but compare her story with mine. Here are some of the "lows" she hit when drinking:
1. threw up on a boy she liked
2. yelled at some people at the fair who were passing out religious tracts
3. threw beer on her boyfriend

Ok, she did get arrested once for PI (public intoxication) in college but really, she didn't do anything that even a non-alcoholic might do if they drank to much.

I found myself judging her as being what we call a "high bottom drunk". Our group is definitely a "low bottom" drunk kinda place. Not many come in wearing nice clothes still holding down a job, the majority have been in prison at least once, etc etc. I guess I personally am somewhere in between, I didn't hit the low's some of my friends did but I definitely have some low points in my story. I knew "the hideous four horsemen of terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair" that our big book talks about on a daily basis and my world was very dark.
Then I heard her sharing about being a daily drinker, about having no hope, no faith, no reason to think things would ever get any better. I heard her sharing about not being able to not drink. And I remembered that the "only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". She belongs in AA because she says she does.
But, the snarky bitch inside me was judging her even still.

Water dog's diary: wish me luck

Water dog's diary: wish me luck

D started his own blog. I'm so proud of him. He didn't even know how to turn on a computer 5 years ago.

All Grown Up

Last weekend D and I bought a new bedroom set. It is the first time I've ever had matching bedroom furniture. My usual pattern is to get bored and dissatisfied with where I live and go look at houses, see all the beautiful things and decide to move. Then move and realize I still have the same shit, just in a different location.
I decided to break the pattern and put nice things in my current house to see if that made a difference. It does! I love my new furniture and by rearranging our existing stuff, the other bedroom looks better now, too.
It only took me 38 years to learn this.