Losing My Religion
Before I got sober, I taught Sunday School at a church run by my then husband's brother in law. It was a small church at an apartment complex and most of the members were under 12. We had Wed. night and Sunday church and the kids got fed so their folks sent them to us. My drinking got so bad I had to have a drink before church. That's bad. I quit going to Bible Study Fellowship because of my drinking and the things I was doing. I'd been hurt badly by several church people, so we quit going to "regular" church and started helping at the apartment church instead. I wasn't learning or growing spiritually at all. In fact, I started to go backwards. I lost faith through a series of events, somewhat similar to the way I'd gained faith to begin with.
1. my stepdad got cancer, church told us if we prayed hard enough he wouldn't die, he did
2. INFERTILITY- no amount of prayer fixed that!
3. distance between myself and husband widened
4. found out hubby had lied to many about many things
5. lost faith in my marriage
6. began drinking, smoking and cheating on him, all in one night
7. GUILT
8. daily drinking
9. Loss of faith or at least loss of belief that I deserved God's love
So, I got to AA and they said "god of your own understanding". What a blessing. But, still, what do I understand about God today? I'm just not sure.
D. and I both have "issues" with Christianity as preached by 99.99% of churches. It's hard to find something that meshes, even partially with my beliefs. I'm not sure what I am. I took a quiz online at belief.net and the number one match for me was Orthodox Jew. I'm tolerant of others, have a hard time with hard line Christian beliefs that there is only one path to God, have trouble with the whole "everything happens for a reason, God only gives you what you can handle, etc" line of thinking. Even prayer gives me problems because I don't think God's going to change his mind about the ultimate fate of the universe or even some small detail of life, just because I ask him to.
Complicated mess of beliefs is what I've got, I'm hoping that finding a place of worship where I can feel comfortable and perhaps learn something will help straighten me out.
posted by Spit @ 8:46 AM
6 Comments:
Sis--
Huh. I scored a 100% with "Mainline to Liberal Protestant." But lots of those questions were REALLY hard to answer! Food for serious thought!
Anyway, in terms of accepting, diverse congregations, you'd be hard-pressed to beat the Unitarians. Smart, interesting, sometimes a bit far-out, they pride themselves on taking the broadest view of just about everything. It's worth trolling around to see what kinds of congregations are near you.
We go to an exceptionally liberal and cool Episcopal church every blue moon (what with C's dad being a priest and all), but the Unitarians here are always coming up with fascinating programming. We may wander over there one of these days.
My friend from Poland was blown away by the concept of what I call "church shopping." It never occurred to her that you could just hop from church to church until you find one you like. So I think that it's not only a good exercise spiritually to explore your options--it's downright patriotic! :) Happy searching!
Love,
Naner
I'm not at all down with any kind of religion but very much appreciated this post since I am having, erm, issues with the liquor. Thanks.
LOL...Little Sis took the words right out of my mouth! You should definitely look into a Unitarian church. It sounds like just what you're looking for - very liberal and very accepting of all faiths, doctrines, lifestyles, etc. Kind of a church for those who haven't found their spiritual niche elsewhere. Love you, Mrs. Honey!!
Wow... gotta take that test!
I hear ya on the gambling. I've never had an issue, but I can sure see the attraction! On the cruise we frequently spent more than we wanted to in the casino, but since I won $120, we kept it to a minimum...
Thank god patchouli boy was ok.
Cecily
You speak my mind today!!!
I have struggled with this for sooo long. I was raised a church girl and found nothing but judgement and contempt from the members. I could not stand that their world was so black and white...or how they could preach love but practice hate! I am a very spiritual person and I believe strongly in love, acceptance, tolerance all those fun things. But I am no fan of Christianity, it has done me wrong for too long. So like a no good boyfriend/husband I kicked it to the curb.
We have a unitarian church here in town, maybe someday I will check it out...for right now though, I think I am ok with NOT having a church or a religious affiliation. God knows where I am, thats all that matters to me. He knows where you are too...but if you need something to be a part of...I'm with the rest, check out the Unitarians.
Much Love
I'm not a Christian, but I'll point you towards the UU's too!
Oro
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